Dancing with the Intergenerational Stars

I'm so excited. We had our actual first rehearsal this weekend at the Evanston Dance Ensemble for the Intergenerational Performance. I've done a lot of very "challenging" things in my life. It turns out that this is going to be one of THE most challenging. I can dance, but I partner/social dance. For this dance, we are all performing together but not as partners... so there will be ways I will be performing on my own. This brings up so many issues for me.

I realize how hard it is for me to feel "watched." Maybe because when I was young, no matter what I did, it wasn't right, so being watched for me means being criticized. When we were rehearsing, I was so self conscious and that isn't even in front of people. I think I'm doing this because it is such a challenge and something that can help me overcome some of my fears and insecurities. I have to remember that this is now and that was then and that my parents were doing the best they could and I have to move beyond THEIR view of me, or really their view of themselves and find my own view of myself - for myself.

Plus, it's like I'm getting all these really valuable dance lessons for free... the only price is that I have to actually perform! Soooo Excited! Soooo Nervous!