Past, Present, Future or Timeless

Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a most interesting thing. I just saw the movie, "A Beautiful Mind" about John Nash, a brilliant mathemetician who also won the Nobel Prize in Economics. He struggled with schizophrenia most of his life. There's one scene towards the end of the movie where he meets someone from the Nobel Committee, but because of his schizophrenia, he's not sure the person is real. I definitely related to that scene because many times, I don't know if I'm responding to what is actually going on in the present or if I'm having a ptsd "moment" where I'm flashing back to something from the past. My therapist calls this "intrusive" thoughts. Believe me, they are.

On the "bright" side, getting treatment for ptsd is helping me learn a great deal more about myself. I feel, in many ways, more authentic, compassionate and whole. I had no idea when my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia how drastically my life would change and how long lasting the effects would be. It's also encouraged ("forced" might actually be a better word) me to meditate. This is why dancing has become so important to me... keeps me "in the moment!"

Going through my daughter's illness and recovery made my entire sense of time change. Time seemed to be moving extremely fast and extremely slow. I could almost literally see the "pages" of time going past. The photo is of a Mayan mural. I studied a lot about the Mayans during that time because they were renown for their calendar and connection to the cosmos.

Timeless! I'm sticking with that (or at least trying to)