A Friend asked me the Symptoms of PTSD

I was talking to a friend the other night and the subject came up about post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd).

He asked what the symptoms were. It was interesting because I couldn't really think of much other than I don't sleep very much or very well, I can't get up early in the morning, I don't know about being in a relationship. Then the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized. For me, part of having ptsd is that EVERY area of life was affected. I keep wondering why I don't go anyplace anymore (except dancing). It was like "duh," I can't do too many things anymore because virtually everything in my life has been touched by my daughter's illness. There isn't one thing I can do that isn't reminiscent of Cristina's illness. Movies, dinner, shopping, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, going to a park, taking a walk, driving, garages. Pretty much all the "normal" things I used to do and most people do have become completely "tinged" with everything reminding me of how sick my daughter was and how hard everything was and it's like having flashbacks to every part of life.

One time Cristina and I were going to the movies. I dropped her off at the front of the theatre and went to find a parking spot. When I came back to meet her, she was holding on to a very kind woman. It seems that when Cristina went to step onto the curb to go to the theatre, she was so weak she fell down and couldn't get up. This kind lady helped her up. As Cristina and I walked into the theatre, she fell down again. I asked her if she wanted to leave, but she said no. I know she was completely mortified and horrified about this. When we got home, she cried for hours. She was 22 years old and she was so weak she couldn't even take one step up.

We lived on the third floor of a building. I had to carry her on my back so she could get upstairs. I did that for about six months. She almost passed out in a restaurant. I can't find my car in garages and am completely freaked out about going food shopping because, as Cristina was going down to 70 pounds, it became life and death that I try to pick out SOMETHING that she would eat.

So I stay home alot now. That's how ptsd has affected my life. Even with therapy, I still have a great deal of difficulty in so many areas.