Timing is Everything

One of the things that happened when my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia was that my whole sense of time got completely changed. On one hand time was moving very slowly. On the other hand, and the really strange part, was that time began moving extremely quickly. It was like the pages of a book as you skim through it, going very fast. That’s how I felt, like the pages of life were moving very fast… while at the same time, everything was moving very slowly.

Dealing with life and death issues constantly over a long period of time, definitely brings an “immediacy” to life that I had not experienced before. It was very confusing. I could literally see the pages turning so rapidly and yet everything was moving so slowly… so speeded up and yet moving in slow motion. Then, of course, was dealing with doctors and hospitals. Rushing to the emergency and then having to wait for endless hours to see a doctor and/or for Cristina to be admitted.

When I was taking dancing lessons in Las Vegas, I was learning Rumba, with a timing of slow, quick, quick; slow, quick, quick. My instructor trying to give me some assistance said, “it’s like hurry up and wait.” As soon as he said that I said, “Oh, I can really do that!” It was then I realized how much time I had spent doing exactly that… hurrying up and then waiting. He had no idea about my life, but I thought it was pretty funny that that’s the expression he used to help me out. It is also something I had become an expert at.

The problem with this is that it is still how I live some of my life. I’m either working or doing something in a frenzy or completely flat out. It’s very “challenging” to bring some kind of real sense of time (timing) back into my life. I still hurry up and wait.

But at least I’m really good at Rumba!