I am Such Fun to Be With

I was over a good friend's house the other day and as I was leaving she asked me if I wanted to take some classes with her. She wants to take some interesting classes but it will be more FUN to go with someone... so she wants to go with me. She said, "Who else do I have fun with?"

I cannot believe that. I think I'm the least fun person around. I do nothing. I go nowhere. I see no one. Other than to go to work (hopefully I'll get a decent job), go dancing and see a few friends here and there. She is someone who, at the drop of a hat, can get 100 people to help her out. And she wants to have fun with me! I feel mostly like a burden to everyone.

And another friend of mine wants to take me to dinner. I'm really loved and I'm really quite surprised by the whole thing. That's a very sad commentary on my state of mind... and heart... When I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, I called a friend of mine and told her and, of course, we talked about it and we hung up. Well, I remembered I wanted to say one more thing and I called her back five minutes later and I was shocked that she was crying. I couldn't really believe someone would actually cry over me.

Again, more stuff to work on... why do I feel this way? how do I "manage" this? what is the Truth? What is my True Being? Maybe that's the most important question.